For Valentine’s Day, my husband Jon and I wanted to talk about what the process of building our home was like. For more background, Jon works in real estate investing and is super familiar with the construction process, and of course, I’m an interior designer, so we were owner-builders. While this process was a little different for us than for people outside of our industry, we want to share our favorite tips for getting through it.

Tips for not Destroying your Relationship While Building a Home

• Before you do anything, you and your partner need to talk about whether or not you actually want to build a home. This is an intense, expensive, process that can be really overwhelming, so you both need to be 100% committed to it. Once you’ve decided to go ahead with building a home, you can start to save money, plan, and look for a lot, but you need to take that initial decision very seriously. Make sure to consider whether undergoing a home build will be the right decision for your family and your financial situation over the next few years. It’s likely that one person will want to build a home more than the other, but you both need to be on the same page before you start.

• If you want to hire an interior designer, pick them at the same time that you decide on your builder and architect. Among other things, the designer can help consult on home plans and can help you avoid costly mistakes. We have a whole blog post on how a designer can help throughout the build process, which you can read here.

• Talk more than you think you need to about what you like, and what you’d like your home to look and feel like. Being united in the vision for your home, including style and goals for the space before you begin can help the build go as smoothly as possible.

• Being opinionated gets a bad reputation, but in this situation, it’s actually helpful to be opinionated! Don’t be scared of saying what you like, because that helps direct the design and ensures that you and your partner are getting a home that you love.

• To help you make design decisions, create a number scale. A “1” means that you don’t really care about the decision, and a “5” means that it is the most important thing to you. This helps you prioritize the things that are the most important to each of you, and can help solve disagreements.

• Divide and conquer while working with contractors. In our case, Jon handled the contractors for the exterior, including framing and landscaping. I handled the interior contractors, including tiling and installation. This helped us make sure that nothing was falling through the cracks, and that communicating with contractors didn’t become one person’s job.

• Know that undergoing a home build will affect your entire life, including your relationship. For Jon and I, it exposed some things in our relationship that we worked through, and are stronger because of it. Being aware that those kinds of changes are normal is super important.

• It’s okay to ask for help! Designing and building a home is truly a monumental task. Even if you can envision the design that you want, there is a ton of work that goes into executing that design. I actually hired my own design firm to help me with spec sheets for plumbing fixtures, paint details, and final sourcing. I couldn’t do it by myself, so it’s completely okay if you can’t either.

For all of the stress and headaches, know that it is so worth it to have a home that is your dream, and we are so incredibly grateful for it. Of course, there is way more that goes into building a home together, including a lot of emotions. For more insight into how we felt during the home build process, watch the video below!